Taking the heat out of holiday co-parenting conflicts

Holiday time can be a special opportunity for rest, connection and shared experiences. Whether it’s summer holiday co-parenting, Christmas Day, New Year or a short break during term time, these moments often centre around family traditions and time together.

However, for many couples navigating divorce or separation, agreeing on holiday arrangements can become a source of tension. From deciding who has the children on holiday, to managing travel plans and family gatherings, these discussions can quickly become difficult without a clear structure in place.

Splitting holidays in divorce requires planning, communication and a shared focus on what matters most: the wellbeing of your children. With the right approach, it is possible to create a fair and workable holiday schedule that supports both parents and helps children feel secure, valued and able to enjoy their time with each side of their family.

Here are our top tips on how to split holidays when divorced to avoid co-parenting conflicts and make them memorable for all the right reasons.

Focus On The Needs Of Your Children

It may sound obvious, but many separated (and non-separated) parents lose sight of this in the heat of the moment. Deciding how and when your children will spend time with you, your former partner and any extended family members can be tricky.

But bear in mind how important it is for your children to maintain relationships with all their loved ones (provided that there are no safeguarding concerns).

Put adult differences aside and ensure that the holiday plans for children meet both their emotional and practical needs. This is especially important where a blended family is involved, or where children are adjusting to new routines following divorce or separation.

Draw Up A Parenting Plan For Splitting Holidays in Divorce

If you have yet to do so, consider drawing up a parenting plan. Parenting plans are extremely useful documents which co-parents can write together. They can be tailored to fit your family’s specific requirements, encompassing all aspects of care for children, from living arrangements to education, health care and holiday schedules.

Once written, your parenting plan acts as a reference guide and helps everyone involved to understand what is expected of them, providing a degree of certainty and stability post-separation. The parenting plan can be updated as your children grow – to reflect their evolving needs or a change in circumstances.

Example: Parenting Plan for Divorced Parents Holidays

A simple parenting plan for holidays might include:

  • School holidays: Split equally, with each parent having alternate weeks during longer breaks
  • Christmas Eve and Christmas Day: Alternated each year between mum and dad
  • New Year: Shared or alternated depending on existing parenting schedules
  • Half terms and short breaks: Rotated or agreed in advance each year
  • Birthdays and key family gatherings: Shared where possible or alternated
  • Travel arrangements: Notice periods agreed, including consent for trips abroad where both parents hold parental responsibility
  • Extended family time: Specific time allocated for grandparents and wider family

This type of structure helps reduce uncertainty and provides clarity around child custody arrangements without the need for constant renegotiation.

Keep Calm And Try To Respond Sensitively To The Concerns Of The Other Parent

The end of a relationship is often a painful experience. When emotions are running high, finding the strength to empathise with your co-parent can be challenging. Try to understand their point of view, be flexible about holiday plans and aim for a solution which you can both agree on.

Discuss any anxieties they might have about the arrangements and make sure you have established clear channels of communication and a timetable for handovers. When children see their parents working cooperatively, it helps them to feel secure and content and they are more likely to enjoy their holiday rather than feel guilty about the parent they have left behind.

Be Positive About The Other Parent In Front Of Your Children

Even if your ex has been driving you up the wall, don’t talk about it in front of your children. Focus on creating happy holiday memories and avoid making negative comments about someone they love and want to spend time with.

This is particularly important during key occasions such as Christmas or other family gatherings, where emotions can already be heightened. A positive approach supports your children’s wellbeing and helps them maintain strong relationships on both sides.

Understanding Your Legal Position When Splitting Holidays in Divorce

In some cases, it may be helpful to formalise arrangements. A child arrangements order can set out where a child lives and how much time they spend with each parent, including during school holidays and special occasions.

While many families are able to agree arrangements informally, others may need more structure. Seeking advice can help you understand your options and ensure that any agreement reflects the best interests of your children.

Ask For Help

If you have tried to discuss the situation with your co-parent but you still can’t reach an agreement regarding your holiday plans, what can you do?

Separated parent relationship courses are one option. There are several different providers available and they all have the common goal of helping separated parents to manage conflict and develop constructive communication skills.

If you feel you need a bespoke approach, a parenting coach, family consultant or family therapist might be perfect for you. The LSL Family Law Our Extended Family page features a range of professionals who can offer specialist support to you and your family.

Family mediation is another tool in the box, with child inclusive mediation increasingly popular. The government has extended the family mediation voucher scheme, which is intended to help families avoid the stress and expense of court proceedings. Detailed information about family mediation and the voucher scheme can be found here.

Family arbitration is another legal alternative. It offers a swift, versatile and cost-effective alternative to court, family arbitration can be used to determine private law matters involving children. Parents are free to choose their own arbitrator – someone with the specialist knowledge to resolve their particular dispute – and the process can be used to settle issues such as taking children abroad on holiday or the time children spend with their parents.

Splitting Holidays in Divorce FAQs

If both have parental responsibility, consent is usually required before taking children abroad.

You can consider mediation, arbitration, or applying for a child arrangements order for a clear decision.

How Can LSL Family Law Help?

We are dedicated to finding practical, amicable, non-court options for our clients whenever possible and keep the interests of children at the heart of everything we do.

Splitting holidays in divorce can feel complex, particularly when balancing different expectations, parenting schedules and family commitments. With the right guidance, you can create a fair and sustainable approach that works for everyone involved.

Linda Lamb and Tanya Foster are Resolution-accredited family lawyers who can assist with child arrangement queries, including advice on parenting plans.

Linda and Tanya both offer family mediation, while Linda is also a child inclusive mediator and children arbitrator. If you would like to discuss your situation in person and find out more about our services, please call us on 01273 041011.

Wishing you and your family peaceful and happy years ahead.
The LSL Family Law team.

About the Contributors

Tanya Forster is a family law consultant, divorce solicitor and family mediation specialist with 20 years’ experience. She is a Resolution-accredited solicitor and accredited specialist in private children law and financial provision, known for her clear, supportive and solutions-focused approach to helping families resolve divorce and separation constructively.

Linda Lamb is the founder of LSL Family Law and a family law expert with over 25 years’ experience. She is a Resolution-accredited solicitor, mediator, and children arbitrator, known for her calm, compassionate, and practical approach to helping families navigate divorce and separation.