The summer holidays can be a glorious time: full of fun, freedom and new adventures. Unfortunately, for some separated families, the extended break from school can be a source of considerable stress and upset. Here are our top tips for avoiding co-parenting conflicts and making the next few weeks memorable for all the right reasons.
Focus on the needs of your children
It may sound obvious, but many separated (and non-separated) parents lose sight of this in the heat of the moment. Deciding how and when your children will spend time with you, your former partner and any extended family members can be tricky, but bear in mind how important it is for your children to maintain relationships with all their loved ones (provided that there are no safeguarding concerns). Put adult differences aside and ensure that the holiday plans you make meet the emotional and practical needs of your children.
Draw up a parenting plan
If you have yet to do so, consider drawing up a parenting plan. Parenting plans are extremely useful documents which co-parents can write together. They can be tailored to fit your family’s specific requirements, encompassing all aspects of care for children – from living arrangements to education, health care and holiday patterns. Once written, your parenting plan acts as a reference guide and helps everyone involved to understand what is expected of them, providing a degree of certainty and stability post-separation. The parenting plan can be updated as your children grow – to reflect their evolving needs or a change in circumstances.
Keep calm and try to respond sensitively to the concerns of the other parent
The end of a relationship is often a painful experience. When emotions are running high, finding the strength to empathise with your co-parent can be challenging. Try to understand their point of view, be flexible about holiday plans and aim for a solution which you can both agree on. Discuss any anxieties they might have about the arrangements and make sure you have established clear channels of communication and a timetable for handovers. When children see their parents working cooperatively, it helps them to feel secure and content and they are more likely to enjoy their holiday rather than feel guilty about the parent they have left behind.
Be positive about the other parent in front of your children
Even if your ex has been driving you up the wall, don’t talk about it in front of your children. Focus on creating happy holiday memories and avoid making negative comments about someone they love and want to spend time with. Reserve any animosity you might feel for counselling sessions or discussions with trusted friends and relish the moment with your children.
Ask for help
If you have tried to discuss the situation with your co-parent but you still can’t reach an agreement regarding your holiday plans, what can you do?
Separated parent relationship courses are one option. There are several different providers available and they all have the common goal of helping separated parents to manage conflict and develop constructive communication skills.
If you feel you need a bespoke approach, a parenting coach, family consultant or family therapist might be perfect for you. The LSL Family Law Our Extended Family page features a range of professionals who can offer specialist support to you and your family.
Family mediation is another tool in the box, with child inclusive mediation increasingly popular. The Ministry of Justice has recently announced additional funding for the successful family mediation voucher scheme, which is intended to help families avoid the stress and expense of court proceedings. Detailed information about family mediation and the voucher scheme can be found here.
Last but by no means least, is family arbitration. A swift, versatile and cost-effective alternative to court, family arbitration can be used to determine private law matters involving children. Parents are free to choose their own arbitrator – someone with the specialist knowledge to resolve their particular dispute – and the process can be used to settle issues such as taking children abroad on holiday or the time children spend with their parents.
How can LSL Family Law help?
We are dedicated to finding practical, amicable, non-court options for our clients whenever possible and keep the interests of children at the heart of everything we do. Linda Lamb and Tanya Foster are Resolution-accredited family lawyers who can assist with child arrangement queries, including advice on parenting plans. Linda and Tanya both offer family mediation, while Linda is also a child inclusive mediator and children arbitrator. If you would like to discuss your situation in person and find out more about our services, please call us on 01273 041011.
Wishing you all a very peaceful and happy summer!
The LSL Family Law team.
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